Episode 26: Polar Seltzer Jr. Flavors

So much magic. Such a tiny can. Wow.

Flavors

Dragon Whispers, Mermaid Song, Unicorn Kisses and Yeti Mischief by Polar

The Can

These cans are utterly charming. Among all of us, who on earth is not charmed by smaller versions of real things? WHOMST, I say. These little cans pack a lot of crack. Polar has managed to cram a LOT of carbonation into 7.5 fluid ounces of magic. The illustrations on these cans are playful and fun. The claim of “impossibly good” is a tall order for a tiny can. The flavors are described at the top of each can. Dragon Whispers is “a fruit bomb with a tropical punch”. Mermaid Songs is “a slice of watermelon life with a cherry on top”. Unicorn Kisses is “a curious dream of fanciful fruit” and Yeti Mischief is “a lemon lime story with an icy plot twist”.

Describing the flavors in a narrative way is essential for the consumers who are unfamiliar with what to expect from a Dragon Whisper or Mermaid Song. If you have not experienced these things first hand, certainly the marketing folks at Polar should not expect you to know what these things taste like. They have been generous and playful with their descriptions, but have they been truthful? Are these claims accurate?

Notes

Dragon Whispers

Fruit bomb, indeed. This tiny can packs a fruity punch as if a dragon has leaned its head in behind you and whispers, “Hello!” without singeing your ear hairs with its fiery breath. It’s fruity, it’s tropical, it’s like eating a handful of skittles without discerning for color or flavor with Polar’s signature precision bubble.

Mermaid Songs

Here’s the thing, I would absolutely crash a sailboat into a rocky cliff to just get a sip of this fresh nectar. It’s fresh watermelon with a slight hint of candy-cherry on the end. Who needs a sailboat when you could hang out with cool mermaids all day drinking tiny cans of Polar Seltzer Jr. whilst you sun yourself? No one. You don’t need to leave the island. The mermaids, they want you there. They need an audience for their songs. The boat was too much upkeep anyway — you bought it on a lark thinking it would bring your friends closer together — so you’re happy to let it remain smashed on the rocks.

Unicorn Kisses

Having never been personally smooched by a horse with a horn, I did not know what to expect. This fanciful fruit danced on my palate in such a chaste and respectful way that I can only assume kissing a horse with a magical horn would be more of the same. This flavor has more of a tropical sensibility to it that leads me to believe that unicorns are native to equatorial lands, tropical jungles, and exotic islands. While Dragon Whispers is a fruit bomb, this has the energy of dumping an entire box of tropical Mike N Ike’s into your mouth and attempting to chew without drooling all over yourself in front of your coworkers who did not need to know how many tropical Mike N Ike’s you could fit into your mouth.

Yeti Mischief

The only thing I know about yetis is they definitely love to ride snowmobiles. These are just scientific facts proven through peer reviewed observation work coming out of the elite universities in Canada. If someone says to me “It tastes like frost,” I don’t know why, but I know exactly what that tastes like. This Lemon Lime story with an Icy Plot Twist makes a ton of sense. It’s candy-citrus forward with an inexplicable icy taste on the back end. The plot twist is this: Yetis are real, they love to snowmobile and absolutely CRUSH core day. Look at those abdominals. Yetis aren’t dangerous, they just want to live.

Overall reaction

These tiny cans are packed with magic. They’re pretty good.